Funny Quotes - 99+ Funny Sayings About Love, Life And Friends


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Funny Quotes

Best Funny Quotes For Whatsapp And Facebook

Find great collection of funny hilarious quotes in english, new funny quotes about life, cool funny quotes about love and all funny quotes about friendship for whatsapp status and facebook.


Funny Quotes And Sayings

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Funny Quotes And Sayings

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.

Funny Love Quotes

I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

Funny Friendship Quotes

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?



If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

Funny Quotes About Life

I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.

Cute Funny Quotes

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

Short Funny Quotes About Life

You sound better with your mouth closed.

Funny Quotes in English

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

Funny Motivational Quotes

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.

Funny Christmas Quotes

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

Best Funny Quotes

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

Funny Inspirational Quotes

Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

Funny Sayings Quotes

Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.

Funny Serious Quotes

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

Funny Meaningful Quotes

Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.

Amazing Funny Quotes

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

Interesting Funny Quotes

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

Very Short Funny Quotes About Life

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

Extremely Funny Quotes

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

Cute Funny Love Quotes

You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.

Short Funny Quotes

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Short Funny Quotes

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

Funny Thinking Quotes

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

Cool Funny Quotes

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

Funny Quotes About Me

If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.


Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

Funny Status Quotes

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

Cute And Funny Quotes

I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…

Funny Movies Quotes

Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

Nice Funny Quotes

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

Funny Jokes Quotes

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

Awesome Funny Quotes

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!

Unique Funny Quotes

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.

Funny Expression Quotes

Life’s good, you should get one.

Funny And Meaningful Quotes

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

Quotes About Being Funny

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Best Funny Quotes About Life

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

Funny Confusion Quotes

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Famous Funny Quotes

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

Good Funny Quotes

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

Funny True Quotes

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Funny Quotes About Life

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Funny Quotes About Life

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.

Great Funny Quotes

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Most Funny Quotes Ever

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Latest Funny Quotes

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Funny People Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.

Funny Hilarious Quotes

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.


Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.

Best Funny Quotes Ever

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Small Funny Quotes

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Funny Philosophical Quotes About Life

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Funny Humor Quotes

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The Most Funny Quotes Ever

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.

Cute Funny Short Quotes

Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.

Funny Important Quotes

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

Famous And Funny Quotes

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Funny Just Sayings Quotes

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Best Funny Life Quotes Ever

I can resist everything exept temptation.

Cute Funny Quotes For Him

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Funny And Real Quotes

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Short Funny Positive Quotes

You know what I like most about people? Pets.

Funny Quotes About Love

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Funny Quotes About Love

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Funny Thoughts Of Day Quotes

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Best Funny Quotes Of All Time

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

Funny Lifestyle Quotes

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

You As Funny As Quotes

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Cute And Funny Love Quotes

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Silly And Funny Quotes

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Amazing And Funny Quotes

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Sweet Funny Quotes For Her

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.



My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

Funny But Interesting Quotes

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.

Funny Life is Good Quotes

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Funny Lines Quotes

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.

UR Funny Quotes

If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.

Quotes Being Funny

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Funny But Nice Quotes

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Sweet Funny Quotes For Him

Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.

Classic Funny Quotes

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

Original Funny Quotes

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Hilarious Funny Quotes About Life

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.

Funny Quotes About School

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Funny Quotes About School

When my son, James, was doing homework for school, he would have five or six windows open on his computer, Instant Messenger was flashing continuously, his cell phone was constantly ringing, and he was downloading music and watching the TV over his shoulder. I don't know if he was doing any homework, but he was running an empire as far as I could see, so I didn't really care.

You Are So Funny Quotes

Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.

Funny But Intelligent Quotes

The real winner at prom isn’t the king or the queen. It’s everyone who didn’t peak in high school.

Funny Happy Day Quotes

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

When Funny Quotes

If it hadn’t been for detention, I would have never done any homework.

Funny Wise Quotes About Life

When I was growing up, my parents told me, 'Finish your dinner. People in China and India are starving.' I tell my daughters, 'Finish your homework. People in India and China are starving for your job.’


You know there is a problem with the education system when out of the three R’s, only one begins with R.

Nice Funny Quotes About Life

My dad could always find the bright side. Whenever I brought my report card home from school, he’d say, “Well, at least I know you didn’t cheat.”

Cool Funny Quotes About Life

I see that the U.S. Department of Education laid out $750,000 for a study that shows that going to art museums and looking at art is good for schoolchildren, which I would have been happy to tell them for, say, $500 and a nice lunch.

Best Short Funny Quotes Of All Time

In California, some high schools are requiring students to wear uniforms. They say uniforms create a safe, stable environment. Like the post office.

Funny Quotes About Him

Three CalTech grad students prove that animals without brains sleep. Which, frankly, teachers have known for years.

Funny Quotes For Me

People want to take sex education out of the schools. They think sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra. I never do math.

Funny Quotes About Being Funny

Don’t go to a school reunion. There’ll be a lot of old people there claiming to be your classmates.

Quotes About Yourself Funny

When I look back on all the crap I learned in high school, it's a wonder I can think at all.

Just Because Funny Quotes

I’m willing to see prayer in schools if you’re willing to find a place for algebra in our churches.

I am Funny Quotes

Nothing I learned in school prepared me for life on any level. My first book should have read, “See Dick balance his checkbook. See Jane leave an unhealthy relationship. Run, Jane, run!”

Quotes About Me Funny

A lot of things go on when you’re a kid that you don’t figure out until you’re an adult. Like, I think my kindergarten teacher had a drinking problem, because nap time was every day from 9:00 to 2:30.

Good Quotes About That Are Funny

In high school my sister went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him. The figured any guy that took hours to make a move was okay with them.

Whats Up Funny Quotes

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go because I’ve put on, like, a hundred pounds.

Famous Funny Quotes About Life

My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school. He won’t tell me where it is.

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

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Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.

Positive Funny Quotes For The Day

I have to be successful because I like expensive things.

Greatest Quotes Of All Time Funny

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Funny Real Life Quotes

It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.

Cute Funny I Love You Quotes

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.


My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

English Funny Quotes About Life

If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. 

Funny Quotes About Being Short

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Funny Just Because Quotes

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

You Are Funny Quotes

Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping!

Quotes About Funny Person

I don’t think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this Monday.

Most Famous Funny Quotes

So it turns out that being an adult is really just Googling how to do stuff.

Funny Cheeky Quotes

I think my guardian angel drinks.

Funny What if Quotes

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

Funny Daily Life Quotes

It’s called Karma, and it’s pronounced, ‘Haha, f*** you 

Funny Quotes About Look

I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my show, my sock is sliding off.

Funny But Serious Quotes

Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.

Be Funny Quotes

In m defense, I was left unsupervised.

Your Funny Quotes

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

Bad Funny Quotes

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fires sound alike

Funny Status Quotes

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Funny Status Quotes

Cleaning up is just putting stuff in less obvious places.

Funny Little Quotes

Dear life, when I said: ‘Can my day get any worse?’ It was rhetorical, not a challenge.

Word Of Day Funny Quotes

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.

Really Really Funny Quotes

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Funny And Hilarious Quotes

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

Funny Like Quotes

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.


Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.

Funny Memorable Quotes

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.

Quotes To Live By Funny

If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.

Funny Appropriate Quotes

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.

Today Quote Funny

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.

Funny Thoughtful Quotes

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

Funny Profound Quotes

Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Popular Funny Quotes

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Something Funny Quotes

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

Not Funny Quotes

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.

Funny Powerful Quotes

You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Funny Yet Serious Quotes

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

To Funny Quotes

It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.

Funny Comment Quotes

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Funny Friendship Quotes

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Funny Friendship Quotes

When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.

Humorous Quotes About Life

Never tell your friends, “I told you so” – even when you did.

Best Humorous Quotes

If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.

Humorous Positive Quotes

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.


Best friends loan out DVDs knowing that they’ll never be seen again.

Great Humorous Quotes

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.

Most Humorous Quotes

I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.

Short Humorous Quotes

Good friends offer a shoulder when you need to cry. Best friends are there with a shovel to beat up who made you cry.

Humorous Wisdom Quotes

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.

Humorous Sayings And Quotes

Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.

Funny And Humorous Quotes

When a woman like that whom I’ve seen so much, All of a sudden drops out of touch; Is always busy and never can, Spare you a moment, it means a man.

Humorous Life Quotes And Sayings

The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.

Humorous Encouraging Quotes

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Some Humorous Quotes

There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.

Witty And Humorous Quotes

Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.

Humorous Philosophical Quotes

The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Humorous Success Quotes

A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body.

Hilarious Quotes About Life

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.

Funny Hilarious Quotes

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

The Most Hilarious Quotes

Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.

Funny Quotes in English

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Funny Quotes in English

My friend thought that an onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face.

Hilarious Quotes About People

We all have that one friend who we greet with an insult.

Funny Hilarious Quotes And Sayings

Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you’re so damn funny.


Don’t let life get in the way of your dreams… go back to sleep!

Hilarious Funny Quotes About Life

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Hilarious Life Quotes And Sayings

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Hilarious Comedian Quotes

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid...

Hilarious Jokes Quotes

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Hilarious Jokes And Quotes

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else :D

Hilarious Witty Quotes

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Hilarious Quotes And Sayings

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Hilarious True Quotes

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

Some Hilarious Quotes

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

The Most Hilarious Quotes Ever

I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop making me angry.

Hilarious Daily Quotes

 I believe in love at first sight, I experience it EVERY time I got to the mall.
Really Hilarious Quotes

Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.

Awesome Hilarious Quotes 

You never know what you have until… you clean your room.

Most Hilarious Quotes Ever

I hate it when some people call me insane or crazy. I prefer the phrase mentally hilarious.

Very Hilarious Quotes

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it pays my internet… which is almost the same thing.

Funny And Hilarious Quotes

The only reason your girlfriend likes your dick is because her mom told her to enjoy the little things in life.

Funny Quotes With Pictures

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Funny Quotes With Pictures

I know I’m not perfect, I’m vintage, which means my flaws make me priceless!

Extremely Hilarious Quotes

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

Hilarious Famous Quotes 

WoW! now I’m a graduate... Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains.

Best Hilarious Quotes

Don’t be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.

Hilarious Quotes Of The Day

Congratulations!!My tallest finger want to give you a standing ovation.

Most Hilarious Quotes

After getting drunk, bachelor of technology turns philosophy master of bricks.

Hilarious Short Quotes

If at first, you don’t succeed… Keep flushing.

Witty Quotes About Life

The early bird might get the worm, but the 2nd mouse will surely get the cheese.

Short Witty Quotes

Yesterday I saw someone pushing a bottle of Schweppes into his ass, I said, "What are you doing ?!" He replied: "Schweppes: Drink Different.."

Funny Witty Quotes

I have a Impudent neighbor Knocking on my door at 2AM He's lucky I was in a drum lesson...

Witty Love Quotes

Most of the fruits I know now and did not know were existed - Is only because of the shampoo.

Wise Witty Quotes

Even if you are a mass murderer, International rogue,and children Abductor,People Will Still bless you "continue to be who you are" in your birthday.

Happy Witty Quotes

Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

Cute Witty Quotes

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Really Witty Quotes

With all this technology above and under, humanity still hunts down one another.

Wise And Witty Quotes

If relationship between man and women were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.

Best Witty Quotes Ever

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. 

Witty Positive Quotes

Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.

Witty Literary Quotes

Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money :’)

Short And Witty Quotes

Every problem comes with some solution... if it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a Girl!

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